Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
