you guys were way drunker than both of me
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
