just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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