everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
