too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
