I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
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