I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
