Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
