I smell stomach acid.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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