i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
