u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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