I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
and you fell through a lawn chair
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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