i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
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I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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