the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
