I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
