isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
