That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
