i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So. Much. Porn.
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