I need to stop coming to work sober
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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