I hate all girls vehemently.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
