Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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