What tipped you off? The sombrero?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
