Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
