I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
