4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Everyone says I win the strip club
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
