I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
what day is it and did you see me today?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
