She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
How does it feel to date your dad?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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