Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
