I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
