Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
