I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
