So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
