the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
