He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
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Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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