its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
