Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
we're so committed to being not committed
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
