And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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