Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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