Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
