alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
