Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
