I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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