You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
