Christians are straight up FREAKS
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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