We named our party play list daddy issues
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
