oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
