i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
