Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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