I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
