Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
