just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
