I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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