My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
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We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
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Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I think my moral compass just broke
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