Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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