how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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