I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
