your room smells of hookers.
And success
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize