Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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