I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
