I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
