9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
