meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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