I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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