He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
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How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
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I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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