How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
