When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
