I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
