i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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