White coat. Heels.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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