Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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