; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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