I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
