I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
