I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
